Hindi Jokes
Tum
Tum zindagi ko gham ka
Fasana bana gaye
Aankhon main intezar ki
Duniya basaa gaye
Tum se thi mere pyaar ki
Duniya basi huy
Tum se thi zindagi ke
Andehre main roshani
Tum kiya gaye
chirag_e_mohabbat
bujhaa gaye
Duniya ujhar gayi
Mere sabro karaar ki
Ro ro k raat kaat ti houn
Intezaar ki
Jab chand par nazar pari
Tum yaad a gaye
Tum zindagi ko gham ka
Fasana bana gaye
Aankhon main intezar ki
Duniya basaa gaye
Hindi SMS
MUNNABHAI:-A sarkit, yaar mereko woh sister(nurse) se pyaar hogaya hai.Loveletter kaise likhun?
SARKIT :-Simple, BHAI, aap likh dalo I love you sister. I am your munnaBHAI
My favourite sher..
Chalo tumko batata hun jo ye ek raaj hai pyare;
Meri aawaaj k pichhe bhi ek aawaaj hai pyare!
+++++++++++++++++
Usane fenke mujh pe patthar our main paani ki tarah;
Our ooncha, our ooncha our ooncha uth gaya!
+++++++++++++++++
Saawan men wo na aaye to hamne yahi kiya;
Jhoole pe unka naam likha our jhula diya!
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Duniyaa ne mujh pe fenke the patthar jo behisaab;
Maine unhi ko jod k ek ghar bana liya!
Woh College k din
1. On being Late:
“Kab shuru hua?”
“Attendance ho gayi kya??”
“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”
“Mein kya karu, wo bathroom mein ghusa hua tha”
“Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu…….. . bolna …….. kal kya padaya tha sir ne”
“Kal se pakka class karunga”
“Ek page de na………. abe pen bhi to de…….”
“Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai……..”
2. During the lecture:
“Yesss !!!! Sir…….The answer is …….huuuummmmm. ……aaaaaaaa. ……… ..”
“No sir…..I know the answer …….sir.. ..”
“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”
“Abe lecture ko chod….. dekh wo kya lag rahi hai aaj……..”
“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha…….gadha. ……”
“Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha movie dekhne chalte hain ”
“Heads, we go Movie , Tails, we go Movie now!!!”
“class khatam hote hi Soft drink chahiye….. .”
3. Lab
“Expt. 2 Kiya kya??”
“Isme Karna kya hai??”
“Yeh bhai…..mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata…….. ”
“Are tu to bura maan gaya……. dikha na………”
4. Tests
“Tests???? …..Aree yaar…… ”
“Kya…… abe Test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga….”
“Boss….. hogaya…… aur nahi ho sakta……. .jaan nahi de sakta……. ”
“Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?”
“Aaj kounsa test hai?”
“Oye Mera dost kaha hai……uska roll number mere baad hai…….wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail….”
After test……
“yaar pada tha….recall nahi kar paya…….chhod na ……. Canteen chalega…”
5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)
“I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya ”
“Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega…….. ”
“Bola tha proxy regularly maar……. Saale teri class karne ka kya faida hua…..”
6. Late submission of Projects
“Maine usko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assignment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”
“Last date extend hui thi”
“I didn’t know the last date”
“Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya…….”
“They should allow XEROX……. .”
7 . After exam
“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?”
“Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?”
“Ye Kaunsi book me tha”
“1st mein 3 marks…..2nd mein 0…….3rd mein 2…….Gaya. ……… fail pakka……. ”
“Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena…….. wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar……”
8 VIVA (b4 exam)
“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga”
“Aeee……Rohit. ….terese kya poocha…… .”
“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya…….”
“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai”
9 . VIVA (General)
“Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point”
“Roll no. 1 aur 2 ki watt laga di hai”
“External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai”
“Ye kounse unit mein aata hai”
10 . Submission
“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”
“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”
“Jai ho computer baba ki……jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki…….”
“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”
“Ye tune kya likha hai????”
(The best one)
“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uski drawing nikal”
“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”
” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.”
“Koi hint…….. ”
“Are baba ghasit de……..na tu samjega na wo……..”
12. Exam
“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai who aata hai”
“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai”
“ye last time hi poochha thaa”
“tere paas is ke notes hai??”
“woh chapter… mark weightage 6 marks… (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”
“nahi samjha to rat le”
“External ke aane ke pura scene hai……. ”
“Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai……..”
“Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha…….issmein to anda aata hai……”
“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya……..”
…….. bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai ………
…….. Aaj har wo baat yaad aati hai…….
…….. kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain ……..
…….. kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain ……..
…….. abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai ……..
…….. Dopahar ki class mein aakhen band karne ka man karta hai……
…….. hostel ke chat ki wo raat yaad aati hai ……..
…….. exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak bahut pyari lagti hai ……..
…….. tab ki bekar lagne wali photo’s chehre pe hasi laati hai …….
…….. Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai. ……..
…….. Par tumhari galti dekhne ka man karta hai……..
…….. Aaj tum bahut yaad aate ho…….
……..fir waise hi subah uthne ka man karta hai……..
……..bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai……..
……..bas ek bar aur …….
……..wapas lautne ka man karta hai
Jokes
1960 girl : Pehla phela pyaar hai chhai bahar hai, aja sajna tera
intzar hai.
2003 girl : dusara/tisra pyar hai, dil bekrar hai, aja more sajna
verna chautha tayyar hai.
Yaad anay lagay Chacha Galib ya Elahi ye majara kiya hay
Tarta hoon har ek larki ko warna in ankhon ka faheda kiya hay
TERI AANKHEIN JHUKI JHUKI,
TERA CHEHRA KHILA KHILA,
TERI AANKHEIN JHUKI JHUKI,
TERA CHEHRA KHILA KHILA,
JAB TERE GALOON PAR SE HAATH GHUMAYA,
TO AADHA KILO FAIR AND LOVELY MILA
na gujarna eed k din kisi masjid k paas se
kahi log chand samajhkar roja na khol de
or hoke khuda khafa kahi hasin log banana chod de
Machchhar ki Makkhi se ho gayi Shadi,
Pahali hi Raat main Machchhar ki ho gayi barbadi.
Bola Apni to Kismat hi Khoti hai,
Makkhi Raat ko “GOOD NIGHT” lagakar soti hai
Internet par ladki pataayi
Internet par ho gayi sagaayi
Internet par divorce ho gaya
Is bahaane computer ka course ho gaya
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye,
ek ne desh ke liye,
doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
PYAR KARNA HI AASAN HOTA HAI,ROJ HOTEL MEA MILNA PADTA HAI,IN LADKIYO KA KYA JATA HAI,SARA BILL HUM LADKO KO DENA PADTA HAI. WAH….WAH
Larkiyaan Bewafaa Nahi Hoti
Wo to majborioon main lipti hain
Apney shiddat bharey khyaloon main
Apney ander chhupi ek aurat main
Wo hamesha hi darti rehti hain
Na to jeeti hain na to marti hain
Larkiyaan bewafaa nahi hoti Per Hamesha hi darti rehti hain
Apne reeti or rawajoon se
Any waley naye azaboon se
Zardurat main khily ghulaboon se
Pyaar kerti hain or chhupati hain
Larkiyaan Bewafaa nahi hot
Kyuon ki majborioon main lepti hain
Or her lamha darti rehti hain Apney pyaar se apney saye se
Apney rishton se dil ki dharkan se
Apni khowahish se apni kushioon se
Larkiyaan Bewafaa nahi hoti !!!
Dost he dost ke kaam aata hai…
Santa to Banta- acha hua tu mil gya, main apna purse ghar par he bhul aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
Banta- dost hi dost k kam ata he, le 10 Rs, riksha kar k le aa…
Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe…
Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin
Bar main daily jaata Hoon Main Maa
Yun To Main ,Dikhlata Nahin
Daru pikar roz main aata hun Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata,,Meri Maa
Theke Mein Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Maa
Puaa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujkko Tu
Ghar bhi bhul jaoun main Maa
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa
Kya Itna Bura Meri Maa
Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe
2 peg whiskey dete the main Jhool jaata tha Maa
Meri Nazar Dhoondhe theke
Sochu Yahi Tu mujhko nazar na aa jaye Maa
Daru main itna pita nahi
Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin
Lekin main ludak jaata Hoon Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa Maa
Share Market Sayari…….
Khuda Aaj Ye Faisla Karde,..
market mein teji yaa Mandi Karde.
Bahut debit Sahe Hai Maine .
Koi Credit Ab Toh Muqadar Karde.
Bahot Muskil Lagta Hai teji se Duur Rehna,
Mandi Ke Safar Ko Kum Karde.
Jitna niche Chala Gaya senxex ,
Use Utna uppar Karde.
Nahi Likha Agar Nasib Me Credit,
To Khatam Kar Ye Zindagi aur
MARKET FANAA Kar de
Funny Shayari - Aisa apna husband ho
Aisa apna husband ho
Aisa apna husband ho
6′ - 6′2″ jiski height ho
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
apni baaton se karta excite ho
Wo dashing smart aur polite ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.
Uski apni ek website ho
Network uska world-wide ho
Swiss bank mein account 26 - 27 ho
Jab shopping kar ke aoon, bole begum tum kitni nice ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho
Uff tak na kare, itna quiet ho
Jalaa khana khakar bhi, usey mujhpe pride ho
Mere har nakhre uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
Apne friends ke saamne kahe, tum perfect bride ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.
Dinner banaye wo, jab bhi romantic night ho
Hamesha wo haar maan jaye, jab bhi koi fight ho
Saas sasur ke samne kahe, jaan tum hamesha right ho
Mujhe rani bana kar rakhe, to phir zindagi delight ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.
Bindaas apni mann ki karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
Har doosre week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
Aisa ho jaye to main udoon aasmaan mei, jaise ke koi kite ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho!
Kaash yeh concept .001 percent bhi right ho,
Agar Aisa apna Husband ho,
to kya haseen life ho.
